Are you still there?

Are you still there?

I tucked you away under the layers of memories that were no longer wanted, the layers that were so painful to revisit that I created a lock with its key lost, but the thought of you, you beautiful, delicate and soft creature still crept its way beyond that locked door; so inescapable. I wanted to forget, I wanted to wake up and not remember and not feel that soreness still in my frail body I had developed by losing you. I didn’t need the thought of my feelings versus yours.

It’s hard. It’s hard to forget someone like you. Your seal- like laughter still playing in my head like a soundtrack, your huge eyes, glowing at the sight of anything that excited you, one slightly bigger than the other that only I managed to notice; your plump, carrot cheeks that raised up to cover your under eyes every single time you smiled, and that smile was the most beautiful, purest thing I had ever seen. I remembered you so clearly yet everything was blurred. It’s insanity. How else can I explain this longing, the yearning of your scent, your voice?

You always knew how I felt and when you finally made me express it to you, you left. You claimed you were shielding me from harm but I can’t accept that your intentions were devoid of self-interest. I refuse to believe you did this for me when I see myself on the edge of a cliff and you, always on cloud nine. I can still read your messages, for they are not the problem. The problem lies in the words dripping slowly from your lips, so heavy on my head because after all, I was tangled in the feathery string of your sentences until you told me I was left to my own fate.

The road I walk is lonely, with not a soul to help me get through this treacherous path. Crumbling, I keep walking with my heart bleeding, looking for no one, but you, my love.

But, are you still there?
You said you’d always be here, you said you’d never let go so, where are you now?
Answer me my love, are you still there?

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